You Are Not Broken: Postpartum, the Patriarchy, and the Story We’ve Been Told

There is a moment many women experience after having a baby that is rarely spoken about with honesty.

A quiet, disorienting moment of looking in the mirror and thinking:
I don’t recognise myself.

Not just physically, but internally.
A sense of disconnection.
A loss of identity.
A feeling of not quite knowing where your “light” has gone.

And almost immediately, the story arrives.

Something must be wrong with me.

We are quick to locate the problem inside the woman:
Her hormones.
Her brain.
A “chemical imbalance.”
Her inability to cope.

But what if this story is incomplete?

What if what so many women are experiencing postpartum is not a personal failure but a deeply human response to an environment that is profoundly under supportive?

The Cultural Blind Spot

In many Western contexts, motherhood is expected to happen in isolation.

We have moved away from communal living, from extended family systems, from shared responsibility. The postpartum period once held as a time of rest, integration, and collective care has been compressed into a few weeks (if that), before women are expected to resume functioning.

Often while sleep deprived.
Often while recovering physically.
Often while carrying the invisible weight of identity transformation.

From a nervous system perspective, this is enormous.

And yet, when a woman begins to feel overwhelmed, disconnected, or low, the dominant narrative still asks:

What’s wrong with her?

The Problem With “Chemical Imbalance”

For years, we have been told that experiences like depression or anxiety are caused by a “chemical imbalance” in the brain.

This idea has shaped how we understand ourselves.

But it is, at best, a partial story.

It reduces complex human experiences to biology alone, often ignoring:

• relational dynamics

• social isolation

• lack of support

• cultural expectations

• major life transitions

It can also subtly position the woman as defective, as though her internal system is malfunctioning, rather than responding intelligently to her circumstances.

This doesn’t mean biology isn’t involved. Of course it is.

Postpartum is a time of immense physiological change.

But biology does not exist in a vacuum.

It is constantly interacting with environment, safety, connection, and meaning.

When we focus only on the internal chemistry, we risk overlooking the wider conditions that shape how a woman feels.

You Are Responding, Not Failing

What if the loss of identity so many women feel is not something to fix but something to understand?

There is a reason so many traditions have viewed this period as an initiation.

Because something is ending.

And something new is not yet fully formed.

In that in between space, it can feel like everything is dissolving.

Like the caterpillar in the chrysalis, breaking down into something unrecognisable before becoming something new.

In our culture, we often pathologise this stage.

We expect women to remain coherent, productive, recognisable.

But transformation doesn’t work like that.

The Missing Piece: Support That Matches the Transition

Even with a loving partner…
Even with resources…
Even with awareness…

Many women are still navigating this period without the depth of support that matches what is being asked of them.

Because historically, this was never meant to be done alone.

There would have been:

• other women

• shared care

• time to rest

• less pressure to perform or be visible

Without that, it makes sense that the system becomes overwhelmed.

Not because the woman is weak.
But because the conditions are insufficient.

Reframing the Narrative

What if, instead of asking:
What’s wrong with me?

We began to ask:
What am I responding to?

What if we recognised:

• that sensitivity is not pathology

• that disconnection can be part of transformation

• that feeling overwhelmed can be a sign of too much being held, not too little capacity

And what if we widened the lens just enough to include the culture we are living in?

A Different Kind of Compassion

There is a particular kind of relief that comes when a woman realises:

This makes sense.

Not as a dismissal.
Not as bypassing.

But as a deep, embodied understanding that her experience is valid within the context of her life.

From there, something begins to soften.

And often, as many women describe, a sense of light begins to return.

Not because they have “fixed” themselves but because they have stopped seeing themselves as the problem.

You are not broken.

You are responding.

And perhaps the work is not to fix yourself…
but to be held, individually and collectively, in a way that reflects the magnitude of what you are moving through.